A Resurrection Day Poem

(written last Easter, 3/20/2016)

Do you feel the wonder?

How do you hold it in? 

If you’ve really felt it, 

That rush, release from sin 

Exhilarating freedom, 

New hope that grace may win. 
Does your heart leap within you, 

Almost bursting from your breast? 

Is this the taste of freedom 

Promised to those without rest, 

To the hopeless, wand’ring strangers 

With no pillows, den or nest? 
This is home, here’s peace at last, 

Rejoice! Let it be known!

Proclaim your hope, let others hear, 

Go sow the seed you’ve grown. 

Such news was made for sharing, 

You can’t celebrate alone! 
Copyright Jonelle Liddell, 2016

Luke 17

Stained with sin so deep I stink,
Stink from my very core.
Indeed, my core’s the problem,
There’s a rotting, festered sore.

The world sees superficial wrong,
It’s depth beyond their ken.
I know the evil well because
My heart has been it’s den.

The monster lives within me,
Yes, our two hearts beat as one.
It leaves me as the outcast,
Longing for pain to be done.

I see the joyful people,
I long to join them there,
But no one wants my illness.
Touch me, they would not dare.

Then One comes by and hope springs.
“Jesus, heal me” peals the cry.
Was that my voice, my pleading?
So desperate not to die?

“Go, show the priest,” He told me.
I take two steps, then smell.
No rot, no stench, just sweetness,
Life, I feel it, my heart’s well!

Bowed down in tears, on purpose?
No, what other choice was there?
Would you not do the same
If I could this cleanness share?

Rejoice! I live! And you can too!
This life is truly real!
Farewell, I go my way in peace,
Rejoicing in my weal.

© 2017 Jonelle Liddell

Poems and a Brief Update

Fodge Family Picture

It has been a long time since I have posted, mostly because opening myself enough to write hurts too much.  It hurts a lot, actually.  Since my last update in August, my Mom improved.  The roller coaster continued, as we thought she had maybe 6 months to live.  It turns she had until November.  The 22nd, to be exact.  I was there for her last two weeks, and for the week after.  It was agonizing and a blessing at the same time.  A blessing to be with so many dear ones, to be with her, for those last precious days.  But agonizing to watch my beautiful, wonderful mother waste away and die.  Maybe someday I will write more of the memories that haunt me.  But right now I struggle to keep them buried.  Because letting them out rips my heart up.  So we try to focus on the happy memories.  Because the specter of cancer changed our lives.  When our family was whole.

IMG_6174

Here are a couple of poems, the only real writing I have been able to manage in months.  The first I wrote in October, when we knew that Mom’s Homecoming was approaching soon.  The second I wrote a couple of weeks ago.

Mommy’s Going Home

November 6, 2013

I started this on October 26 and finished it today.

My mommy’s going home soon,
Though we pray for her to stay.
I beg God o’er and over
But have yet to see the way
To her staying.

Our hearts feel ever broken
Yet we haven’t said goodby.
It’s the dread of coming sorrow
That, though bury it we try,
Remains constant.

As the fog obscures the daylight,
So this grief coats any joy
With a ling’ring sense of nightmare
That no laughter can alloy
Or make better.

“This too shall pass,” my mind says
But my heart defies such thought.
Still the Comforter is present
And ’tis good what God hath wrought
And for our good.

 

Heart Holes

May 1, 2014

Look down and see Thy child in tears,
From grief and pain, some doubts and fears,
As somewhere near the devil jeers
And time plods dully on.
 
Thou sorrowed also long ago
With depth of grief that I can’t know,
As Thy Son’s head was beaten low
By vessels of Thy wrath.
 
Did Thy heart scream in tune with mine
When heart’s beat ceased with life’s decline
In that one who, by Love’s design,
Was dear beyond belief?
 
The hole there in my heart remains,
Surprising me with unsought gains
Of territory or of chains
That still bind me in anguish.
 
Yet Thou gave hope to we who weep,
For even those who fell asleep
Shall rise one day, for Thou shall reap
All souls on that great day.
 
They’ll rise again, for He rose first
And conquered death for we, the cursed,
As Sun again touched those whose thirst
For joy seemed lost in night.
 
Yes, Hope burst forth and entered in,
From there to reach for us, His kin,
By Love and Blood brought well within
That rest beyond the veil.
 
Such gifts of good Thou gives to me,
If only I’ll wait patiently,
For pain will pass and Thee still be
There gently holding all.